Next few seconds

X (smiling): So... Do you study? What do you study?

Me: oh.. actually... I'm a legit computer engineer now... (faking a smile) I work...

X: Oh, that's so cool. YOU CAN HELP ME!!! I wanted to buy a new laptop... (I'm sensing what's coming next) ... what do you think I should go with? Apple? or something else?

Next few seconds

0.001 Think of a few dozen responses.
0.003 Scratch all the ones that are extremely inappropriate.
0.006 Predict and calculate a few outcomes for each response.
0.010 Sort the outcomes, from good to bad, using the common social interaction conventions.
0.015 Choose top 5 responses.
0.017 Pick the best, based on common sense.

Me: I'd suggest an HP... I owe one too.

We're here, have a good night.